MyCreepyHouseowner : The Untold Story

Morning  09:30

Searching for my slippers.

“Yo Bro, Raj went to movie with your slippers”, said my roomie.

‘Then wat about my other slippers’

“Come on Bro !! Do you think he is gonna go alone to a movie”,”Chill  bro, wear his boots!!”

Wtf why would I go to a supermarket wearing trousers and boots ?

Night 12:45

“Bro, Can you please sleep in your friend’s room today, I have my girlfriend here !!!”

And I could already see his girlfriend with couples of vodka bottles in my bed.

EarlyMorning 03:45

Dolarae dolarae!!!

Everyday I Woke up hearing that shitt !!

I could see a Dark foggy room with a candle light, thought of a mosquito coil !!

“Yo Bro, wanna join us for a drink & some weed ha ha !!”

“Bro, kept an alarm at 5.30, wake me up na!!”, said and he continued smoking.

Sorry Bro Not this time !!!  I am moving Out !!!!

                                                                

                                                         _______| |________you !!! 

                                            

Yes !!! that was my last PG Room experience.

Myself.

Chennai guy .

Missing Home Everyday. Language Problem. Food Problem. Money Problem. Transport Problem.

Yet determined not to leave Mumbai.

Cant explain it to my old roomies.

They are the Group of IT employees stuck into a trap of Money & Western Culture.

Azad Nagar,Andheri West

“Bhai !! Room teekhae na ?” said my housebroker.

“Chicgun Nahi !!! dhaaru Nahi !!! suttaaa Nahi !!! Advance Nahi !!! Ek duplicate chaavi milega !!!” warned my Society owner.

Quiet Convincing house. Full furnished.

The houseowner didn’t talked much but his son was very kind.

Not too Suspicious to my hasty mind which wants an house in western line asap.

It is always lucky for a event guy who lives in thane to get a full furnished pg in andheri near to the film city at 7K.

“Dude Really? How you gonna survive without our PG’s south indian food !!”

My friend tried to convince me at the last moment.

“Gave Advance Dude !!”, lied and ran away from thane.

There is a quote & it goes like this “The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it”

But that was not the best quote that strike me that time.

“Bro, I will fix those windows, paint those walls and get a wifi connection for you asap !!”,my houseowner’s son gave me a sign of relief.

“But before that I may be needing this month rent as advance !!!”,that hit me right in the feels.

‘OoooH Ok !!!’

The good thing about staying in a rented house is that you have less pressure and you can shift anytime.

And the bad thing is when you are staying next to your houseowner, because everytime he watches you like a flying squad in an exam.

But the worst thing is……

When….

 You are staying with your houseowner !!!!!

                                      MY CREEPY HOUSEOWNER

In the Initial days I didn’t had much opportunity to talk with my houseowner.

Most of the time his son deals smart with everything.

“wheee oooh phrrrmmm”,the first time my houseowner tried to interact with me.

I thought he is having some gutka or paan in his mouth.

So I said “Sir can you spit it and speak I couldn’t hear you!!!”

“No,no,no,no,no,noooooooooo,youuu whrree pllaaaaccce!!!”

This time Instead of answering him, I counted how many “No’s” he said in his scentence.

“Oooh Place,i am from Chennai, wat about you?”

“Pak,pak,pak,pakisstan !!!”

“Really!!!!!! Why? sorry howw?when”,I started panicking.

“No,no,no,no,noooo,sin,sind,sindh,Sindh,sindhhhh !!!”

“Ok,ok,oka,okay,okay,okay”, I started blabbering like him.

One awkward and weird conversation in my life.

But my life never the same after this conversation. Everything started changing.

Life became more anxious,thrilling,and furious.

Night 12:45

Deep Sleep.

“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwh Oooooohhhhhh”,an exact conjuring ghost entry bgm.

Almost got an heart attack, realized someone is yawning ( shouting ) in his sleep.

Few minutes later I could hear someone rubbing the floor, like a limped ghost with its head down.

                                         

Suddenly a flash of light from the Kitchen, and all the vessels started falling down.

I convinced myself, it should be a cat with some knowledge to switch on the lights.

It was him again, who walks & shouts like that started acting weird by washing the vessels at Midnight  01:00.

2 hours later

3:00am Devil’s hour

Some Discomfort.

Rolled towards the other side of the bed.

I could feel breathing, thought it was mine may be.

But it went on a Non-sync with mine.

Slowly opened my eyes, without my eyeglasses could see a dark blur vision.

I searched for my phone slowly ….

I lit it on that dark body…

                       

“Pavvvvvvvvv !!!!!!!!!!!”

‘Shitttttttt!!!!!’

“Pav,  pav , pav, kal dho Pav, get it,get it, from Pav wala ,pav”

WTF is he out of his mind? “Teekhae, teekhae, teekhae, I will get it,your pav, Phewwww !!!”

1 hour later

4:00 Early Morning

Definitely not in deep sleep.

“Siiirrrrrrrrr!!! Hello, ellooo, sir, heloooo”,he started poking me this time.

‘Now what!!!!!!’

“Are you,are you,you washing clothes today?”

“Nooo!!!good night”

“Listen,lis,listen sir,sir,sir,then,then,I will will wash today!!!!”

‘Shitttt !!Ooooh okay!!let me sleep”

“You,youuuuuu,you wash tomorrow,kal kapda wash karo okay,ok”

I didn’t replied. 10 seconds later

“Sirrr,sir,helllooooooo!!!!!”

‘KYAA Bhaaaiiii Whatsss your problem’

“Are you,are you,you washing clothes today”

‘????????’

Areeeeeee Yaarrrrrrrrr !!!!!!!

Like this Every night I went Sleepless.

Some nights they started repairing windows, and later they completely removed it.

I felt like I am sleeping literally on an highway road.

That too andheri traffic has no time. Don’t know how autowalas get sawaaaris at that time too.

It became such a noisy place once windows were removed.

Early morn 5:30am

I woke up seeing a pigeon trying to pee on my face.

When I am about to place my foot down, a huge rat went across my leg.

Got panicked, frustrated and again went to sleep.

30minutes later

Sudden flash of light on my face.

Bammmm !!!!! he hit me really hard on my leg.

He continued hitting Tv,shoes,fridge. None could escape. He wants to kill each & every last mosquito in this world.

By the way he didn’t apologise for hitting me, but started waving his mosquito bat like maria sharapova.

He follows a unique technique for catching mosquitos.

Apart from forehand,backhand he often uses half volley.

Overhead smash is his favourite.

       

If this doesn’t work he swings the bat on one hand, distracting the mosquito and catches it with his other hand.

Thinks himself as Nadal , playing mind games with mosquitoes.

Also he has a backup plan of throwing the bat away and starts clapping to kill them.

Atlast he counts each one of the dead ones like a medal for Australian open.

And finally he sits on my leg for resting as a Dugout.

Shitttt Man!!! Look what I have been analyzing in the early morning after losing my sleep !!!!

My Precious Sleeep!!!!!!

So …

Mosquito : Target Removed

Next Target : Germs

Weapons used : 6yrs old Kapda dumped in some mystery liquid prepared in toilet.

                             (Sometimes uses Bare hands for cleaning floors)

Cleaning position of houseowner : Rakhi sawant rolling on floor

First Step : He counts the number of tiles on the floors

Second step : He hits the kapda hard on the floor and does a out swing.

Third step : He throws away whatever he finds on the floor

[Note: my unused clothes,my bag with laptop, my 10sets of socks to the garbage and made me buy new ones ]

Fourth step : He takes all the germs one by one in his finger and collects in his hand

Fifth step : He never allows any living organism on this earth to walk in his floor for the next 1 hour.

[For Transport Emergency inside the house - use a Jet Pack no other go]

  

Come on Man !!! Even Lizol didn’t fought this much against germs.

And if I accidently place my foot on the floor before that 1hour.

That’s it “Ewwwwwwww !!! helooooo what what is thissss spoiling my flooorr bad very bad !!!!”,he screams and removes those germs immediately.

At that day I realized that if I die one day….

It is an heart attack for sure….

Imagine in a silent room. A Normal person speaking sound will be around 70db.

But this guy has a capacity of 95db at normal.

Shitt Man !!! he scares the hell out of me at many occasions.

After so much of drama he goes he switches on Tv sharp on 07:00 am News.

Sometimes before that too, but never late on time.

He doesn’t care whether his son or myself sleeping, he watches Tv till night 1:00 & again morning 7:00.

And he is very cautious about saving power.But many times i have seen him sleeping with his TV on.

Fine!!!!Leave TV!!! But the shocking part is, he again starts washing the same vessels which he washed last night.

I mean why would he do this?

So technically u wont allow me to sleep early at night

And practically u will wake me up early next day.

Sometimes he wakes me while sleep and asked to teach him how to cook maggi !!!

Evening time.

Felt hungry.

Searched for the rice in my cooker.

Missing???

I asked him about it, he said he had no idea.

And I did the worst thing a man can do.

I went to the fridge a vessel of my houseowner’s rice was there.

Just a common sense, our both rice has a different colour and size.

So I digged it….

I could find a different colour under

Yes it was mine in it.

Believe me a human will get furious when he doesn’t get two things in life.

Food.

Sleep.

And in Mumbai these two things played basketball in my life.

Literally it affects your behavior, attitude, and you shout at everyone.

Just Imagine when your day starts like this everyday!!!!!

And I don’t know whether you guys watched Saathya film ,a song called “Ayee Udii Udii”.

In that both will fight for the mirror to get ready for their office.

Similar happens here, when I go for brushing, he comes there from nowhere and fights.

Okay I leave that for him.

I went to prepare dosa and started my pan.

Pan got heated and poured oil.

Suddenly a hand came with full of Pav and started roasting it on the Pan.

I mean WTf he is brushing as well as doing this shit so what shall I do.

Later I started my dosa.

“helooo Sir don’t put dosa immediately hot from pan to the plate….it will break”

Oh should I wait till it get burnt in the pan?

Or shall I start eating it from the pan itself, to save the plate?

“Oyee Sirrr helloooo, wash wash wash your plate!!!”

“No,no,noo,noooo u didn’t put soap, when u ,put, put it”

“No,no,no u didn’t put it on other downside of the plate,see ,see all all bad stain,do it do it”

“No afterwards,do it,do it, now,what what is this”

Shittt Man!! I went to bathroom and about to take bath.

Suddenly I could hear a loud stomping on my door.

“Oyeee sirrrr Oyeee !!!! come out!!! How long!!time”

I came out and used the next toilet.

Imagine how would you feel when your houseowner says not to use mug for your potty instead use some kind of pipe spray when you are not used to it.

And how would you feel when he removes that bucket and mug to make u stop using it.

I came out silently, went to bed and….

……started writing this blog.

Yes he might have some psychological problem, but neither his son nor the society people found a problem with him.

May be the problem is with me then.

Believe me I never knew that I have so much patience in me.

I use to shout at my mom,dad,bro,frnds everyone at Chennai even if they made a small mistake.

See now, everything changes, doesn’t mean that i became incapable, doesn’t mean that I chose a wrong house.

Everytime, Everywhere, Everything its all because of me and I cannot run away from all those situations.

I will face it, I will accept it, I will solve it and if I want to run away, like from my old roomies.

Then I will be running till the end.

Stop running.

Turn around.

And Face it.

Its just a simple life and you will get it only once.

Thank you….

For hearing my voice…..

Feeling better….



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